Name's Matt. I post things that are funny to me. I follow back. :D
i was sitting in the bathroom today when like 5 girls walked in and i stopped pooping right away cause i didn’t want them to hear me but then i thought why is taking a shit so bastardized today like why cant i poop in peace in the privacy of my own stall without caring if people listen to the flop flop plop plop sploosh sploosh like damn just sing along to the ploop blop and enjoy symphony no. 9 a la my asshole
(via someonecleverandwitty)
Always remember that you are not worthless, organs are extremely expensive on the black market
My roommate and I just looked this up and your bone marrow alone is worth $23 million. 23 million dollars. So if you ever kidnap someone, don’t hold them for ransom, just keep them in a vegetative state and slowly sell their bone marrow on the black market.
now ur talkin
(via someonecleverandwitty)
nicki minaj is 30
how
she was born 30 years ago
(via someonecleverandwitty)
This poor little joey was hurt in a recent bush fire. His feet are pretty burnt so the goal is to try and keep him off his feet so they can heal.I posted this at 2:30 and it’s hit 20,000 notes
what the fuck
You can’t not reblog a kangaroo baby in a diaper.
(via someonecleverandwitty)
for christmas, i bought my brother an ipod touch. it’s his very first ipod so i’m sure he’s going to flip shit. but since he’s been a little shit for most of the year, i’m gonna make him work for it. the ipod is wrapped in 38 various layers of bags, boxes, tissue paper, and tape. i’ve also hidden every single pair of scissors we own in our house. let’s see if he wants to play a game.
Calm it down, JigSaw.
this is how you older sibling.
(via someonecleverandwitty)
